For all I know, I might have turned out to have been straight up homosexual, if I hadn't been molested- I honestly don't know, and like you, for many years I struggled with who I was. I can never know for sure, if I was inherently this way, or if it was a result of the sexual abuse- I tend to think I was naturally this way, based on how I behaved by myself, in private, before the molestation. I can't relate to an older sibling I was molested by a pederast when I was 12 or 13- I'm male, and I'm bisexual- in a lot of the same way you describe- I tend to be 'romantic' mostly over women, but get very aroused over homosexual thoughts and imagery. Not that living in the West always helps, when as in my case, you feel as if you still have to suppress your feelings. Posts: 2 Joined: Sun 10:09 am Local time: Sat 1:21 pm Blog: View Blog (0)įirst off, my deepest sympathies- not just for what happened, but the fact you struggle with sexual feelings in a culture of disapproval- I've known other people from that part of the world and yes, they struggle, alone it seems, having to keep things a secret. Your response or advice is something I look forward to reading If you read through this, I really appreciate it. He lives in a different country and we haven't seen eachother in nearly a decade. I haven't confronted my brother, yet we speak as if it never happened. yet inside I'm bi but it wasn't by choice. Some days I just can't stop crying, and I'm a big, manly dude. not that I haven't already, life has been tough but I'm trying to maintain. Disown their child if he turns out bi or gay so that means I'd probably lose all my friends. nobody knows I'm bisexual, I'm from the middle east so all my friends are completely against it. I'm extremely depressed, my marriage has recently ended, I've been through a major car accident that I have no idea how I'm still alive, multiple surgeries and broken bones throughout my life, and the world feels like it's caving in on me more and more. I've read many threads of people in similar situations but haven't come across someone who was sexually molested by the same sex older brother. I guess the reason why I'm writing this is to find some clarity. was told I need help, and that she's disgusted by my sexuality. I tried to tell my xwife who is Eastern European, that was a big mistake. Have no emotions towards men yet get so aroused, and the opposite is with women where I have emotions and have been in love several times, but always think in the back of my mind that she can never know. I feel a crazy sexual desire towards men, yet attracted to women. I do believe it is because I am bisexual, and still not sure if that's who I am, or if its the result of my experiences. I've been married twice, both ending terribly. I had many girlfriends, but also was and still am confused about my sexuality. I started to flunk school and the beatings became worse, up until I grew much taller and stronger than my father by 16. Brothers that would only protect me, and stand by my side as I stood by theirs. my friends became the most important to me, my true brothers. My father would beat me, which was happening since I can remember, so I had a hate for men in my family. I became a very angry teenager, and couldn't trust family. I couldn't stop thinking of all those memories. it was the most painful moment in my life, the moment where the question Why just has no answer. I 9nly then started to realise what the #$ happened to me. after the first few images of a man, doing what was done to me, but to a woman. They would say wait till you see what's on this, you're going to be amazed! I took the disk home and opened it on the pc. During that time of growth, when I hit 13 years old and friends were sharing floppy disks with pyrography on it I grabbed me one, as a kid totally curious about what my friends knew that I didn't yet.
after he finally left to boarding school I was free from it, but the beatings from my father continued up until I grew much bigger than my father. I remember the taste, I remember the feeling of his hands behind my head, I remember choking, I remember barely being able to catch my breath. I remember details that make me feel so weird when thinking about it. He never penetrated me from the back but I do believe he tried. as a kid I didn't know what was going on, I just wanted to be close to my big brother.
the memory of it starting, or how many times it happened is unclear. I can't believe I said I wanted to be just like him. super rare for siblings to both get it when nobody in the family has it (including all relatives). 2 years later I became a type 1 diabetic myself. When I was around 3, my older brother became a type 1 diabetic and I remember clearly saying I want to be just like my older brother.